


Secrets of the Heart

by alexcat



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-08
Updated: 2011-04-08
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat





	Secrets of the Heart

Susan Ivanova was a warrior. First and foremost. This had been her life since Ganya had been killed in the Earth Minbari War and she was a good warrior. A very good one.

But she was tired of war and death and loneliness.

Mostly tired of loneliness.

When she got the message, she hurried to get to Minbar. It would be good to see everyone again, even if the time had come. Garibaldi. Franklin. Delenn. Vir. And John, especially John. She missed them all every day. Her happiest years had been those she spent on Babylon 5.

And they were also her saddest.

She couldn’t say when she had given her heart to John Sheridan, only that she had. And that it was a secret she would never tell anyone. Almost everything she had done after the day he came aboard as Captain was colored by the way she felt about him. She often wondered if she had loved him as a substitute for her father and Ganya. No matter the reason, she loved him and knew that he could never have loved her in return the way she loved him.

Even sadder than her love for John was the fact that she had not loved Marcus. Sure, she liked him. He was the sweetest, funniest man she’d ever met. There had never been a more noble man than he was either. Never. He had loved her so much that he gave his life for her and gave it gladly. But she had not loved him even then. All she felt was a sorrow so overwhelming that she could not spend another day on Babylon 5.

After she left Babylon 5, she had never become involved with anyone else, had married herself completely to her work.

Now here she was on Minbar with Delenn. She was at a loss in many ways. The old Susan had died a long time ago and this timeworn warrior had taken her place.

She had come to have tea with Delenn at her request. The tea was delicious and they made small talk for a bit but Delenn had never been one to dance around.

John had gone only a few days ago.

“He didn’t know. I never told him,” Delenn said simply as she put her teacup down and looked into Susan’s eyes.

“Didn’t know?” Susan wasn’t sure what Delenn meant.

“John never knew that you loved him.”

The tea cup almost broke as it clattered to the table. Almost.

“Not to worry. No one else knows either.”

“How – why do you think that?” Susan finally said though she knew her voice sounded unnatural, strained.

“Because I loved him too and I saw it. It was there every time you looked at him. He could have seen it too had he chosen to look but men do not look for these things, I think.”

"Then why am I here? Why would you want me here?”

“That is simple. I want you here because you loved John. The mission of the Rangers was important to him, to me. It was important to you too, was it not?” Delenn smiled as she poured herself another cup of tea, then righted Susan’s cup and poured her another cup too.

Delenn sipped her tea and watched Susan, waiting for her answer.

“Of course. We gave our all to fight the Shadows and to forge a government here in space.”

“Then you will take the job?”

“The job?” For a moment, Susan was lost.

“You will become Ranger One?”

“How can I not?”

“I told John you would say that.” Delenn smiled.

Susan wondered how Delenn could go on so bravely. Susan was having an awful time just keeping the tears at bay. “How do you do it?”

“I go on because he wanted me to. I…” Delenn paused and looked somewhere else, somewhere far away. “I wished to go too. But it was not to be. We were lucky. We knew this time would come and when it would come. We crammed all we could into our years.”

“Were they enough?” Susan asked.

Delenn smiled as a tiny tear ran unchecked down her face. “No. Forever would not be long enough. But he will wait for me.”

Susan looked down at her teacup, not able to say anything and not willing to embarrass Delenn in her moment of grief.

“I will keep his memory alive. As long as I am able, I will remind everyone who John Sheridan was and what he did for us all,”

Delenn leaned over and tipped Susan’s head up with by her chin. She smiled into her eyes. “You will too. It is all we have left. We must treasure it and move forward.”

Susan nodded.

“Now drink your tea. There are some Rangers who wish to meet the great General Susan Ivanova.”

She did as she was told. She drank her tea and then, she and Delenn went to the Ranger training facility. She would do this for him. For Marcus. For Lennier…

For them all.

 

~end~


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